Madeline - TFA - Blog 1

Today was exhausting. I’m feeling mentally and physically spent. I don’t remember the last time I felt like this.  The culture shock of being the only—literally only—white person within a several mile radius was surprising. I couldn’t quite decide whether this sense of not belonging was just my own insecurity, or if the people around me really were noticing how out of place I looked. I had two thoughts/epiphanies today that I want to get down. First: I’m not sure I have what it takes to be a teacher in TFA, nor am I sure that it’s something I would be happy doing. Maybe it’s the exhaustion talking, but I don’t know if I could handle two years in Ms. Rockwell’s position (Ms. Rockwell is the TFA corps member that Cody and I are shadowing at Manley High School). She told us about her 80 hour work weeks, the lack of resources provided by the school, and the daily frustrations of trying to teach rowdy, disengaged teenagers. The woman is a saint for what she does, I just don’t know if I’m quiet as saintly. Second: During first period, I sat in back of the classroom near what appeared to be a guy and girl that were dating and for some reason I could not stop at staring them. I’m sure they thought I was a total weirdo. I didn’t really know why I was so intrigued by this seemingly normal high school relationship until later this evening. I realized that I hadn’t really been identifying with the students as normal teenagers. I was interacting with them from a certain distance and completely failed to recognize that these kids, despite our vastly different backgrounds, still experienced normal “teenager-y” things. Seeing these two reminded me of my first relationship and all the emotions that come with it. First love is universal. No matter who it’s with or where it happens, it’s consuming and confusing and beautiful and terrifying. Maybe these kids weren’t in love, but they were sweet and seemed into one another and it really got me thinking about perspective and the human experience. To them, however, I was probably just staring at them weirdly for 50 minutes. So be it.